so i recently rediscovered this website... i had completely forgotten about livejournal. so... alone... bored in my room at 11:46pm i have stumbled upon thoughts, my thoughts from a time long forgotten.

enjoy the moment.

remember it
then forget it
then rediscover it
and appreciate it

torn between paths, which do you take? safe and predictable or new and unknown?
what a fork in the road, with no right answer. maybe the answer is down a path, but what if its the wrong answer?
i don't want to be wrong.
regret sucks.

all i seem to be doing is reading, ugh. but anyway, im taking a break from my relationship with my boyfriend, which is a great thing. i am finally able to admit to myself that I need to live on my own, especially at college. I don't know what will happen in the future, but for the moment i am enjoying my independence. i think that the only reason i have been so reluctent to taking this move was the fear that after being with someone for almost 2 years of my life, i wouldn't find anyone else. i consider myself lucky to have realized that there are other people out there, LOTS. i don't need to worry about not finding someone, there will always be other people, i just need to find the right one (but it doesn't need to be my focus at the moment). i think i will just try to have fun and experiment.

Date:	2003-01-25 18:05
Subject:	crushes
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

crushes are the greatest thing. the feeling of excitment and something new is always so intriging. butterflies in the stomach and a permenant smile on your face.

Date:	2003-01-25 14:07
Subject:	roommates
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed

roommates are so annoying. there can be no happy median. listening into conversations then holding it against you. what crap. at least other people rock, roommates suck ass.

Date:	2003-01-25 02:56
Subject:	can you feel the love?
Security:	Public
Mood:	touched

there is so much love everywhere. i love it when friends love friends, plus then those friends love their friends, things are great. went to a party a friend was throwing, i invited 10 or more of my friends to the party, ended up that everyone loved everyone! shit went so well. people had so much fun. i love when this happens.
I <3 everyone!
people rock!
rachel i heart times 3 million!
jigga!

porn adventure today after 8 hours of class, but a good 8 hours suprisingly. working in a tv studio is sooooo cool. anyway back to the porn adventure. wandering out onto the streets of boston, rachel and i were on a mission. first approach FAILED horribly, kicked out of the first porn shop by a sketchy bald old man, yelling ID! but mission was not over, the search must go on. we wandered into another porn shop where sleeping employees filled the store. amazing. videos and magazines lined the walls, but it was the big black, well you get my drift, that made the trip worth it.
rachel got a picture of a cowboy riding a dog on a truck.YEE HA
dressy bessy 4 life

i love being back, it is amazing. i love new music. the lucksmiths are very good, you should try sometime.
i want the weekend, for a good ole city adventure, with polaroids.
i am now offically searching to find vanilla almond tea, it is goodness.
georgia o'keeffe was amazing, her artwork is so beautiful.
oh and the search for the perfect clementine is on as well.

back to school again. it is so nice to be back seeing familiar faces. my books are so expensive, and i hate that. i think i am paying for not having that many books from last semester. classes so far seem good. my teachers seem intelligent, which is a bonus. things are just getting back to the way they were. ah the old routine is kicking in.
welcome back

gay men are amazing. tonight i went to a house warming party/birthday party. all of the guests were predominently gay men, besides the three women including myself there.
i love that one of the men there had just come out four years ago and prior to this lifestyle had been living as a married man with 3 kids in jersey and orthodox jewish. he was a sweet heart.

New York City fucking ROCKS!
Heavy metal clubs ROCK!
in nyc there is so much to do. you can never get bored. it is also a smart city, everything makes sense. you go to Boston and everything is confusing. this street goes that way, this closes early, yada yada yada. why was Boston created by drunk men, at least the drunk men that created NYC had some sense of direction, massholes just fucking got lost in their own creation.
if you come to NYC go to The Continental.
get drunk, listen to good music, chill with funky people, and have a rockin time.

this morning i was woken up by my mother calling into my room for help finding a stray cat in our house. so now, all morning i have been looking for this damn cat. hopefully when i find it there will be kittens with it, that would make it worth it.
oh and tonight, playtime in NYC.
that is something i will miss about being home, (besides my parents on occasion), New York City.
monday its back to boston.
back to my apartment
back to my roommates
back to work.
back to films.
back to school.
the thing is that i really dont like boston that much. i usually dread going back, but for some reason this time i can't wait. i have a good feeling about this semester.

i love those perfect nights where everything seems to be right. everything makes you laugh, debates are all insightful and even arguments are fun. those nights come once in a blue moon. it is nice to finally have that one perfect night where everything seems so good and so hopeful. this was a well deserved night. things do get better.

Date:	2003-01-15 13:09
Subject:	shrek rocks
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper

"she enjoys pina coladas and getting caught in the rain"

it sucks being home with nothing to do. i have been home for almost 5 weeks, not all have been boring, but this last week is killing me. no one else is here, which means i am stuck with my parents and the dog. time needs to speed up so i can just get back to boston and get back to being busy.

i sit on my bed
alone in my head
im bored
and there is no cure
i dont understand
why this happened to me
so i figure
i might as well stand,
my ass is asleep
and i am awake
i cant feel anything
ive gone numb
but i know its still there
the pain
that pain that wont go away
but i figure ill sit
and enjoy the numbness
to be awake and asleep
all in one moment
is truely a feat
so i may not understand
but i know ill move on
as the time goes by
my feelings return
and i start to realize
that wasnt so bad
i got through it asleep
and woke up for the second act

Date:	2003-01-14 23:19
Subject:	don't call
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed

never call them, let them call you.

Date:	2003-01-14 22:01
Subject:	religion vs. love
Security:	Public
Mood:	disappointed
Music:	Jeff Buckley, Lover, You Should Have Come Over

Why does religion tear people apart? Just because two people have two different beliefs, does that mean that they have no future? It is sad to be 19 and realize that the person you love has no presence in your future. Why do people not put love as a top priority? I hate quoting films but %."Love is a gift, not an obligation.%.# Why would anyone throw away this gift? It is understandable that certain people are raised believing certain things, and since they%.%ve grown up with that they don%.%t want to abandon it. But then why should it be expected that the other person sacrifice their beliefs, even if they may not be as clear, for the other persons? But then again to be realistic, what is the point of loving this person if it can be predicted that in the future there is no future. I think I have only loved one person truly in my life. And at times I questioned it and others cherished it. But now I realize that no matter how hard or sad it is, I have to let go.